Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
