just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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