This is not my ceiling
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
