You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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