Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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