Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
