Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
ok first of all what the fuck
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
