i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm really into asian looking animals
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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