did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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