Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
