not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
