Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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