i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
