nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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