I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
