btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
