no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
