I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am midnight drunk by noon
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
