I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
