I am midnight drunk by noon
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
