A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
