Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
