i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize