Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
