I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
