i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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