Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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