just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
