Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
