ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Randomize
