How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just google imaged poop.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
