but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
