I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
