Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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