Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
