Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize