I've blown a few things in my day
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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