he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
don't judge my taste in strippers
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have fence marks all over my body
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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