Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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