Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
