Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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