so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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