What did we do last night that was yellow?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
