The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
