The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
