at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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