I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
