my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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