One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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