i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
