I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have already put on my inside pants.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
