she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
