Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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