dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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