After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
