it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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