i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He better not be in your backpack
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
