I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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