Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
