i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
