Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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