I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
