How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize