I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
