just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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