I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
