Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
