is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
