I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Vodka?
Forever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
