So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
