if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
