just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Less talking, more tequila
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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