i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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