Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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