Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
