please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
