I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
