need another drink. this is the easiest way
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
