Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
FUCK WHALES
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