i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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