Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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