A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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