I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
love makes seman taste better
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
