yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
