I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
