see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
