tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
