His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
