i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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