whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
