He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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