I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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