hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize