Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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