sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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