I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
