I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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