I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
