I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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